You are not right. I can prove it.
- by Sasida
- 1 comments
The real rules about how old and young you can date. According to this rule, society should accept a 50 year old man dating a 32 year old woman. A quick poll of my friends says otherwise. This made me wonder, does the creepiness rule actually reflect what is socially acceptable when it comes to age differences in dating? In other words, does the creepiness rule actually reflect what society finds…creepy? The internet is divided on the topic.
The researchers then presented different types of relationships- sexual fantasies, casual affairs, long-term relationships, marriage — and asked the participants what the minimum and maximum age of their partner is for each scenario. So I decided to find the answers myself.
Everything You Need To Know About Dating A 30-Year-Old Man As A 20-Something Girl
I tackled this paradigm-shifting research the only way I knew how: I created a survey. Although I could have hit the streets of New York and surveyed people in-person Buunk style, I decided to mTurk my survey.
I try to avoid as much social interaction in my daily life as possible. This can vary from transcribing a movie, to identifying an item on a receipt, to taking a survey about hypothetical romantic relationships. The results showed that the creepiness rule is generally too lenient about how young you can date — especially as you get older. As John and Lauren got older, however, the creepiness rule differed from how people actually responded. Yet according to the survey, 37 was well outside the age range of what is socially acceptable.
The results also showed that the creepiness rule is too restrictive about how old you can date when you are young, but becomes too lenient as you get older. Yet, people surveyed were fine with John and Lauren seeing someone in their early 30's. When John and Lauren are 60, the creepiness rule allows them to date anyone older than themselves the official cap is However, society places more restrictive age limits of 71 and 75 respectively.
Overall, the creepiness rule does not accurately represent what people find socially acceptable; people are more judgmental than what the creepiness rule implies. If the creepiness rule is wrong, then I needed a new rule to guide my non-existent love life. As I reviewed the data, I realized that one rule was not enough. Society has different expectations for men and women — men can date younger than women and women can date older than men. When it comes to dating older, women have the advantage.
Show him something new. Which leads me to…. Challenge him, but know when to stop. Start becoming a do-er. You said you wanted to be more active, remember?Ask Misty: Can a 21 year old date a 31 year old
Just never refer to his age in a bad light because that is his Achilles Heel; it's what his mother nags him about. That means no joking about him being an old man or way, way worse… an old fart. Recoils in horror.
Heaven forbid you ever, ever, use the f-word! The age difference is big, but if she's as mature as you say she is, and they seem to be good together, it's probably ok. I would be more worried about what would happen if when? It's far more likely that she would move in with him than with you, given that she's in school and has a job in her state.
Jan 7, - I am one of those people. Throughout my entire love life -- or whatever you want to call what has been 23 years of going through men, some for. Jul 18, - The first guy I properly dated was exactly a year younger than me (we shared the same birthday, I thought it I recently found out that a musician I have a crush on is I'm However, women dating younger men isn't weird to me – my country together that I realised I'd never asked how old he was. Dec 15, - In fact, the question surrounding how old is too old or how young is too age plus seven years” for dating someone younger than themselves.
That seems like bad news waiting to happen. The worrisome aspect would be him ready for a commitment she's not ready for--marriage, kids, etc. The best thing would be for her to really clarify her goals College?
Grad school? Moving for job opportunities? In general, I wouldn't say that a year-old dating a year-old raises any immediate red flags. I do worry that she's perhaps jeopardizing her current living situation due to point 2. I personally see nothing wrong with pre-marital sex, and even encourage it, but I'm not her parents. She needs to tread lightly, and perhaps investigate the possibility of moving out before she's forced out.
Parents are a lot less likely to find out what a child's sex life is like when the child doesn't live at home. Better to be out in the open about it than be keeping this sort of thing a secret that may later backfire or be grounds for dismissal. Again, the age difference isn't a big deal, but the circumstances surrounding the relationship may be. What type of position is she in, that is, is she some sort of intern who when done with school will be vaulted into a better position than her counterpart?
Is he married or ever been? The age difference should not really raise a concern, I figure once someone is past say around 23 or 24 and up until 45 ish the only thing age really is is a number, and perhaps you might be slightly better at trivia if you are on the upper end of that range since you have lived a little longer and might be more familiar with older pop things, but other than that it appears you are wanting to make sure his true intentions is to be with your sister and there isn't something you are missing, so I would work with the above questions and go from there.
Most people will say if she's happy don't worry about it, and well this can be true, girls at a frat house who are hopped up on xtacy about to be date raped are happy as well, its only after the high has worn off and the realization about what has occurred sets in are they not happy. That is, she is happy, which is why she's told you about this to share her joy.
Also, are you sure this is not some sort of act of rebellion on her part, and by cluing you in that can be effectuated by you cluing in your parents, she still lives at home and as you note is actively aware it could be cause for disruption of her living situation, but it's possible your parents will still weigh high cost of living and let her stay, just be disgruntled.
My sister is 39 and is married to a guy who is in his 70s. What of it? They're adults, nobody is forcing either of them, and it sounds like she's being treated well. He may very well treat her better than the immature guys her age will. He's not old enough to be her father, or even a father figure. Yes, the "they work together" thing and the "they keep it secret" thing are concerning, as is to a lesser extent, for me the "somewhat different ages and stages" thing, but in the secular world, people generally have lots of relationships and most of them don't work out.
Finally, a very distant last, verging on something that is only going to be a problem because your parents will look for problems that don't exist 3 the age difference.
Everything you say about your sister and her partner makes me think the age difference is something they are going to handle well. If it helps you to get past the age difference, remember this guy was in his twenties a few months ago. Without any evidence that this guy is mistreating your sister or using her, I wouldn't be worried, especially if your sister is mature and generally makes sensible decisions about important things.
I have been involved with someone eight years younger than me, and our relationship is both stable and long term. Honestly, I'd be more worried about the possible repercussions of dipping the pen in company ink than anything else given the facts you've presented. But it sounds like they're aware of those risks, too. Well, I understand five years can make a lot of difference, but my mom stepmom actually married my dad when she was He was nine years older, and they are still happily married, 35 years later.
They came from a similar conservative background to yours. Does your sister's boyfriend understand or identify at all with your sister's background? Is marriage sometime in the next few years a possibility, or no? Does he have a sexual background way different from hers?
The age difference in itself is not a problem. Problems arise only if they have different expectations or assumptions about how their relationship will work out. Things like money, in-laws, religion, kids are more important than age as she considers possible relationship roadblocks. It sounds like this guy is great, so I'd say she should continue dating him while keeping her eyes open and figuring the rest of this stuff out.
Im a 34 year old woman, and recently went on a date with a 25 year old guy, I had the best time I have had in a long time Your not weird. Badges: Rep:? I'm 24 and my partner is almost 31 so there's a very similar age gap. We've. And nobody has more choices than a year-old woman. If she wants to Hey, I'm no psychologist — just your friendly, neighborhood dating coach. But I do . I'm 45 and i date 21 yo and she loves me to death. .. I'm 49, she is DJ. Aug 23, - I'm a 23 year old male dating a 37 year old female. We REALLY hit it off and I love her to death. I'm kind of mature and she's kind of young and we always say we I might start dating a girl who is ~23, and I'm AskMen.
I'm sure she still has some growing up to do; all year-olds do, even the mature ones. So why would it serve the purpose of helping her grow up by convincing her to remove herself from a situation that We learn by doing; we grow by experiencing. If things "go wrong" and relationship ends, then she'll learn and grow from that. Not having your first relationship work out is not the worst thing that can happen to someone; sometimes, it can be the best.
What you can imagine is right for you is not what is right for everyone else. This is a good approach. This happened, they're in love and he's treating her well by all accounts. She just needs to make sure she's treating him well.
The age difference is is something that will bother other people, but if it doesn't bother them, then that's fine. In the end, it's their relationship and they, not the world or even you, have to be happy with it. This might sound a bit out of left field, but is it possible that some of your Mormon upbringing might still be affecting your thinking a bit?
I say this only because my extended family has a healthy serving of observant Mormons, and there is a cultural pressure to marry strong view of sex outside of marriage as extremely sinful, leading to many people marrying in their early 20's. You may be unwittingly seeing that a guy who is single at 30 as a bit of a red flag-- because it's a bit unusual for Mormon guys to make it to 30 still single-- so you might be unconsciously wondering if there is an issue that makes him not great relationship material.
Dating someone you work with is always fraught with issues, as others have said. And no matter how discreet they think they are being, people may still guess, because some people have a sixth sense about that kind of thing, and other people are not as good at hiding things as they think they are.
One of the great things about being a year-old woman is getting to date year-old men. My husband is 6 years older than me, and we met when I was I'm glad I found him, but I'm also glad I had the experience of dating casually when I was younger. He sounds great and she sounds like she knows her shit. Everyone's got a lot of growing up to do. You live and learn and live and learn. I don't think you should necessarily be worried about the age difference, unless there are other warning signs.
Lots of female friends of mine in college dated guys in their 30s and survived. The only warning she should have is that people in their 30s often want to settle down. Make sure she's thinking consciously about what she wants to accomplish in the next 5 years or so graduate school?
Oct 10, - According to this rule, society should accept a 50 year old man dating a 32 year old woman. A quick poll of my friends says otherwise. Mar 7, - Don't Be the Worst: How to Date Outside Your Age Range . recently told me I should only date older men, because even though I'm 28, I know this because I once worked with a year-old man who was skipping his. Nov 10, - I am a 22 years old girl dating a 31 years old man so I think I have some experience speaking about this situation. In my opinion, the age gap does matter a bit (I I'm Can I date a 20 year old or is she too young?
I don't see the problem here, in that it seems to be a mutually respectful relationship. Sure, dating coworkers can cause problems, but in the long run it's no big deal.
As for parents who may kick her out of the house, this is a separate issue. One of the great things about being a year-old woman is getting to date year-old men as a counter to this - i found the closer a guy was to my age, the more disrespectful and crappy he was.
As long as there isn't a significant power imbalance I don't see anything significant wierd about the relationship. Regarding parents: I'm guessing they would kick her out if they found out she was having sex with anyone, so the age thing is almost irrelevant here. Regarding work: dating coworkers is always a minefield, again the age difference is secondary. So, that being said I guess the only thing to base the relationship on is My in-laws who married latter in life are about 20 years difference.
My first gf was 9 years older than I Yeah you said it isn't an option but I was 22 when I met my thenyear-old boyfriend, now my husband.
As with other posters, the only thing that concerns me is that they work together. That could get weird fast, or it could be the source of a bad power dynamic. None of us here can know that, though.
Whether or not this is a mistake isn't something any of us can know, either. In retrospect I understand why both of those relationships didn't work out, but on the other hand, both were good for me in their own way and I learned about myself.
So, as long as she's not being played by an older dude for sex, she's fine, and even if she is being played by an older dude for sex, she's fine, since being played by dudes for sex is basically a round the clock risk of dating. I don't see a problem. The only problem I would see would be if he didn't have an education, had financial problems, or some drama in his life. I know women who married guys who were more than ten years older than them, and frankly, there was a big benefit to being with someone already financially established, chiefly, being able to have kids younger rather than waiting until there's more income.
I was a 20 year old dating a 28 year old. Now I am a 27 year old happily married to a 35 year old.
Im 31 and dating a 21 year old
In our case, it worked out beautifully and things are pretty great with us. I am so, so glad I ddin't reject him just because of his age. Just a data point. But, I would not have dated him while living with my parents or while working with him. Too much pressure - if things go wrong and your parents find out and she has to move in with you, would she have to switch schools and jobs?
There is so much on the line here; I think the age difference is not the biggest concern.
I'm much more concerned about her living under your parents' roof and risking her living situation than I am about the age difference. Them being coworkers is also a concern. Both of those things can lead to a lot more drama and strife than anything related to age differences. Dating someone your parents don't approve of while you live with them, and that person also being a coworker is a horrible idea. Pretty sure no good can come from any of that.
When I was 24, I very briefly took up with a 38 year old. To no ill effect, and in fact we're friends to this day. That said, that was a different situation because this guy was by no means my "first" anything - I'd definitely been around the block by 24 - and also, we broke up very quickly because the age difference made him uncomfortable the fact that at 24 I looked barely legal probably didn't help, either.
It was very obvious from the get-go that this was not "meant to be" in any significant sense. How long have they been together? That's another concern - I would feel less sketchy about this if you hadn't said that things were "moving very quickly". But that's another thing I tend to distrust no matter what the ages are. Why not meet the guy, see them together, and get a sense of what they're like as a couple?
There are plenty of immature 30 year old men in the US. I know at 20 years old I still had a lot of growing up to do. She is more mature than me than I was at that age though So what? You're you, and she's her. You need to take care of yourself, and let her do for herself, unless or until some sort of actual harm enters the situation.
And even then, you need to remember that there's only so much you can to for someone else when romance is concerned, even if they're someone you love and feel protective of. Beginning when I was 25, I was in a relationship with a 40 year old for two years which started out by moving very quickly.
There were a lot of personality issues and personal problems that made the relationship not work on both our partsbut age itself wasn't one of the factors that made it difficult, and we are still friends now. Four years later, I can see that I got a lot out of that relationship, difficult as it was. The only possibly, though maybe not age-related issues I can think of that arose had to do with expectations.
Don't Be the Worst: How to Date Outside Your Age Range
She had certain things that she expected because she was used to them: random gifts, more formal dates, not splitting the bill.
Also, as a 31 year old I can say that I've known a number of year-olds at or near my level of maturity. If they're both treating each other well, I wouldn't worry about the age difference.